Having a dirty flatmate

What do you do when your hygiene standards is different to your flatmate?

Since I moved into the flat I currently live in back in September, I have felt very different from two of my flatmates. It is a flat-share situation so I didn’t know them at all before moving in. They definitely like partying and drinking quite a lot more than I do, they wear shoes in the flat, they leave dishes in the sink. Some of our differences were reconcilable and interesting to have. I think being different to people, differences in lifestyles, habits, things we cook is always interesting. It is what makes the world an interesting place to be honest. I did not mind that they enjoyed partying more than I did, I’ve done my fair share of it and I’m simply not as interested in it anymore. Anyways, my point is I don’t mind being different to my flatmates, it does not necessarily mean we are incompatible as friends or flatmates.

I think generally, I am quite an accepting and open person. I like having a clean space, I don’t mind cleaning up after people. But some days I just CRACK.

We’ve been having a mice issue in the flat. So we discussed what we should do about it on our flat group-chat. Molly suggested we keep the bins tightly shut at all times, and to not leave food out. I then suggested that we do our dishes right away or at least not leave them overnight as it attracts pests. Molly got quite defensive about my remark because I guess her and Eleanor are usually the ones who would leave the dishes in the sink; while Crystal and I usually wash up right away. Molly remarked that as flatmates it would be nice if we can help one another wash up a little whenever we see the dishes pile up in the sink. Wow that really INFURIATED ME, excuse me?? you want me to do your dishes now??? No thank you girl.

I am on bathroom duty, Molly is on trash duty, Eleanor is on kitchen duty and Crystal is in charge of cleaning the living room and the hallways. But somehow, Molly ALSO said it would be nice if we can help take out the trash when the bins get full because they get full quite frequently and she sometimes cannot keep up with it. Okay fair, but also no one else actually cleans the bathroom, or the kitchen? So now I’m expected to basically take up all the cleaning roles and chores? El never cleans the kitchen despite having that role, I am still the one that cleans out the bottom of the dish drying racks, wipe down the countertops and stove, wash the sink etc. Most days I really do not mind doing all this at all, I find cleaning quite satisfying but today I just CRACKED. El and Molly left a ton of dishes since last week, I texted the group asking whoever that left them there to wash up and all of them claimed the dishes are not THEIRS??? HELLO WHAT?? The bowl was filled with pesto and I saw El and Molly having pesto pasta last week, oh god I am angry. I didn’t want to argue so I ended up washing all the dishes left in the sink up. But I realised I was quite frustrated while doing it.

Sorry this became a rant, I am feeling quite upset.

I know I am in charge of my emotions, I get to control whether I am angry or not. I want to be more patient, kind, compassionate, understanding. I am constantly striving towards that, but I just can’t be that every day. I don’t like it when I am frustrated or when I get angry and I do not want to feel this way. I also don’t want chores + flat stuff to get personal and get in the way of my friendship with my flatmates. I feel so uneasy and I don’t know how to handle it. I really need a solution. I am not sure how to bring this up, I am putting this here because I really need to regulate my emotions. I need to calm my system down.

Also, if I decide to clean up, it is not anyone’s fault because it is my decision, so I should do it happily right? AH this is such a struggle, if anyone’s been in a similar situation, please give me some advice. I think I will call my mum tomorrow and get some advice from her, she always knows what to say and come up with the best solutions.

It’s 23.24 now, I better go shower and get ready for bed. Goodnight ❤ thank you for hearing me out.

With love,
Sing

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